Hans Off, it's all about the party.
International Prince of parties, has landed in London for a couple nights to tell us all on what they get up to all night long and what's important for a good night out.
Excuse my bags. I literally just stepped off the plane from Berlin. I haven’t slept for 4 days so ya, it’s been crazy… I live to party.
Currently, I manage to stay awake by micro dosing. Ginkgo leaf, aloe vera, a touch of kimchi, and what do you call it here? That sweet? Nerds! I took a bigger dose than I should have so I’m feeling absolutely crazy right now. Ya.
I love this crazy town London. I’m here right now because one of my boyfriends has leant me this space which is some garage turned bike shed. Now we have to move all zee bikes to make a small space, put on zee lights and zee party speakers. We have put in some groundwork so we have rails now, if you are tired you can hold on to zee rails and dance. So now it is my space to put on zee parties, secret parties obviously for the V-V-VIPs only.
So ya, here for another party, tomorrow back to Berlin, after that who knows… I’m all over zee place bish!
I just love to party, people ask me, “Hans, Hans, why do we never see you in the day? In the sunlight?” Excuse me, I do not know her? Who is she? Who is this sunlight? I’ve never met her in my life! Does she party?
Well this is crazy because normally you know I start very early at 6pm or whatever, and when she, zee sun goes down. I go up, and then I go out for the night. I'm never on my own, I’m always surrounded by boys, at all times, in any city I’m in. We move as one.
Just before I get to zee party, I get one of my boys to make me a line of nerds to snort. Whilst he does that, I like to be in a small space, warm up, getting zee body moving, you know? Make zee shapes? Yes, and then I put on whatever fashion is that night which usually takes a while.
Now let's talk fashion bish. Recently, what one of my boyfriends did was melt, what do you call them? Zee Marigold gloves? He melted them and stretched them across my body, then I went out into zee night. It took a long time to get it off, so tight! They had to cut it out of me. It was so hot!
I have often wondered, do I stand on Lady GaGa’s supple shoulders or does she to me. We met once at a party in Amsterdam, we didn’t say a word, just inhabited each other's space and of course, we shared Nerds. You know at the end of the day, there are only a few people truly striving to do things differently, to do things new, you know.
I feel that it's time for people to wake up and make fashion their own and for me right now. I like to do D.I.Y fashion, zee bin liners, zee tin foil, zee pipe cleaner, think seasonally, all this Christmas paper is going to zee waste . What fashion can you make from this paper, etcetera, etcetera…
It's hard to say when I get to a party, bish, I don’t have a clock. I judge it by zee pupils in my eyes, if they are dilated it's time to go out, if they are smaller it's time to go in. Zee pupils are zee new clock, do you understand? It’s a whole new realm of time.
Zee difference between a good party and a bad party? It’s hard to say, is it because I am there? Definitely. For a good party you must think about the music, techno, but my favourite at the moment is minimal techno, so minimal it’s barely even there, the people call it techno but, I call it tech-yes. What else? Zee guest list. I bump into so many ex-boyfriends, bish. It used to be embarrassing but now it’s just part of the party scene, don’t be shy. Lastly, good fashion, never forget that, ya, good fashion, guestlist and music, those three are all you need, bish.
You must remember I was born in zee que to Berghain, zee cloakroom que to be precise. My mother then didn’t leave for four days, since then the party has been all around me. Zee next party I will be hosting in London will be my valentines party, we shake off zee shackles of zee traditional “love between two people” and embrace zee “new love”, zee love you have for you, zee love you have for your friends, for fashion, for zee VIPs. It will be a celebration of music, fashion, party and me. We will be celebrating everything but zee original valentines, do you understand?
Is love for everyone? Listen bish, it depends what you want from love. Like I said, I absolutely love, love. I have love for fashion, love for zee party, love for certain VIPs, that is what love means to me. What I am trying to say is you have to find your kink, your kook, and don’t be shy, bish.
As you know, at zee party I never get tired, but I will let you in on some secrets. Always carry a mirror, I have a compact one for makeup. When I feel like I need a boost, I take it out and look myself right in zee eyes! It gives me instant energy, “who is that beautiful piece of fashion?” You can also take yourself to the side and sniff nerds or take a nap on the dance floor. Yes, that is okay, we are all human, we can all lean on each other, and just make it into another dance move.
You must be asking if I ever go home, or where must home be for me? Well, I go to ah home, if you know what I mean but, no I don’t have one place I stay, the place I stay is zee space that exists in zee party, that is my home. Like right now “my home” is an elevator, I’ve converted into a small hibernation corner but zee best house parties to party in, I think, are zee rooms with no beds, no kitchens, just open space, minimal bish.
After I sense zee party has left zee space, I make, what you say, a Berlin Exit. Zee Berlin Exit is unfortunately where, when you leave, everybody else follows. That's when you know, you don’t leave zee party. You are zee party.
Looking to find your new kink or kook? Get more info here for Hans Off’s next night in London.
We saw what you did in the dark:
01/02/24, Jodie Mitchell Becoming John Travulva, "My pronouns are they/them, but I'll accept, as seen on TV."
A six night stint at Soho theatre is no small feat, and Jodie undoubtedly rises to the occasion! Having the honour of seeing their work-in-progress for this show last year, it was so fun to see how Jodie has been able to elevate a good show to a great one. The show is based on one day in their life performing at 2 gigs as different personas Jodie Mitchel and John Travulva, with it all climaxing to a surprise when they get home.
Interlaced with side stories and quests it allows Jodie to comment on gender, sexuality and most importantly, how hard it is for a man to have a curly beard without being seen as feminine. These tales seamlessly flow back into the main story, with an effortless grace that makes it look easy, a common feeling after witnessing an artist who is truly talented and dedicated to their art.
Who to follow: Jodie Mitchell, Soho Theatre